Lost In Dusk
by Renee Strange
Summary: Evelyn Lestrange, daughter of Bellatrix, discovers the hardships of life at a young age. This is the first story in a series that follows the vampire through her painful discoveries including love and death. Contains Self mutilation & Violence
1. Prologue

**Lost In Dusk**

_**Preface: In The Beginning **_

"_This innocence is brilliant_

_I hope that it will stay_

_This moment is perfect_

_Please don't go away_

_I need you now _

_And I'll hold onto it_

_Don't you let it pass you by"_

_**Innocence by Avril Lavigne **_

I was brought into this world on October first. My birth happened the same year as the great Harry Potter's. It sickens me to think that are birthday's are only a few months apart. I am the spawn of Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy. A quick affair left my mother pregnant with me much to her displeasure. She was approximately 6 weeks along when she was arrested for the torture of the Longbottom family and she figured if she kept me they'd have mercyon her pitiful soul. Unfortunatly, for both of us, she was wrong as usual.

The dementors are nasty creatures and my mother caught an illness from them that nearly killed her. She recovered but I did not. The diesese caused an unnatural change in me. It turned me into a blood lusting vampire. I made my first kill the day I emerged from the womb so instead of allowing me to be placed in foster care, they left me in Azkaban. I became friends with the prisoners and the ministry officials allowed me to drain the prisoners that were to be given the dementor's kiss. Everyone loved me and I could not understand why my mother did not. She struck me with no remorse. She looked at me with such disgust. My mother was one of the many reasons I found it hard to believe in love. If it was impossible to love your own flesh and blood then how could you ever love a complete stranger? These questions haunted my mind and I was desperate to find answers.

When I was seven years old, I believe I found my answer. I had made a friend named Ryan Steele. He became like the father I never had. Apparently he was in Azkaban for his illegally formed society that disected half breeds. He was smitten with me because I was a vampire. We spoke to each other everyday for hours at a time. We demanded to be put into the same cell and it is a demand that I regret every single day of my life.

Ryan had been acting odd towards me for weeks. He looked at me with such an intensity that it frightened me and excited me all at the same time. The night I solved the mystery of love is a night that is hard to forget. I discovered that love was not an emotion. It was an action and it hurt. It left me feeling disgusted and ashamed. He was a man and I had been a little girl. I would never be a little girl again. Anger overcame me and I had a desire to make him the feel the way I had felt. He was the first person I sired. I turned him into a soulless monster. He was just like me now. Two days after I had tasted Ryan's blood, he was released and I never saw him again. They placed me back into the cell with my mother and life went on. My melancholy existence continued until I gained freedom. It happened 6 months after my fifteenth birthday. 


	2. Getting Out Alive

_**Chapter 1: Getting Out Alive**_

"_Stay awake._

_Stay awake survive._

_said the nineteen stars that I. _

_Gave your name._

_Tonight._

_I wanna scream._

_Wanna scream your name._

_Starlight starbright._

_you saved._

_You're my wish tonight"_

_**Nineteen Stars by Meg & Dia**_

Bellatrix Lestrange stood by the window giggling under her breath. Her time in Azkaban had damaged her mind greatly.

"Bella shut up" I growled. I had once called her mum when I was three and that had earned me a slap to the face. I had learned to keep my mouth firmly shut since then.

Bella spun around to face her daughter. "He's coming" Bella cried pointing to the ceiling. "He's going to make it all better. I'm free," she hissed holding her arms out.

I groaned and rested my head back against the wall "Shut up" I demanded chucking a pillow at her. She scowled and turned back to the bar covered window. I rolled my eyes and stood up slowly. It was hard to believe that fifteen years of my life had passed. I was not exactly what you called beautiful. I suppose every teenager criticizes her body though. My hair was a midnight black and it was often matted with blood and sweat. My blue/gray eyes intimated people to the extreme, a characteristic I did not really mind. I guess I was mostly slim having lived off blood all my life but I still hated the shape of my hips. I hated myself and I didn't understand it at all.

"Evie sit down" Bella hissed at me through clenched teeth. I ignored her. A moment later a loud bang sounded as the side of our cell was blown out. I flew back against the wall as my mother laughed and stepped out on the ledge.

"Free Evie" Bellatrix cackled. "We're free," she yelled.

I sat up holding the back of my head. I could feel a sticky substance coating my fingers so I wasn't surprised when I pulled back my hand to find it covered in blood. I stood up quickly not taking into account my aching head. The dementors were leaving the grounds and the prisoners were hurrying from their cells. I licked the blood from my fingers and stood next to my mother. She laughed and threw her arms around my neck. This was the first time she had ever hugged me and I couldn't help but flinch. Physical affection was not something I enjoyed.

"Mum" I whispered. She held me closer and I peered over her shoulder to see two brooms hovering above the ground. "Are those for us?" I asked having finally found my voice.

Bellatrix pushed away from me and hurried back to the window. "Free" she hummed under her breath repeatedly. I watched nervously as she climbed through the hole that had once been our window and jumped onto the broom. She had left before I had even climbed from the window. I stood on the ledge and looked down at the ground. If it hadn't been for the constant thought of freedom, I would have jumped.

"God damn it!" I cursed, "Why does everyone always leave me" Never before had I ridden a broom so I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I gradually stepped to the very edge of the ledge and closed my eyes before jumping. Thankfully, I landed safely on the broom. It took off immediately and I couldn't help but laugh at the sensations I felt. The wind whipped through my hair as the broom steered itself. This was the ultimate form of freedom. The sky was so intriguing that I kept my eyes on the stars even after I had landed.

"Evelyn" A voice spoke my name. I looked up to see a face only a mother could love. He had a snakelike appearance with only slits for nostrils. His mouth was curled into an evil grin and I found myself lost in his red eyes that reminded me of two crimson pools of blood. Something inside of me was drawn to him. I wanted to devour him in more ways than one.

"Welcome" he hissed. I looked around to see that everyone else was kneeling down before him. The forest we were in provided me with a strange sense of comfort and I didn't notice the hatred that was directed towards me from more sources than I could count.

"Welcome to where?" I asked looking around at my surroundings.

The man laughed "They call this the forbidden forest. The name is used to scare the kiddies"

I nodded "Why am I here?" I muttered pathetically.

"You are here to become part of a family. It's a do or die child"

I realized that this man must be the great Lord Voldemort. He wasn't as scary as everyone made him sound. My eyes wondered over the faces of the people that were kneeling down. Most were wearing masks except for my mother and a man with yellow teeth. Something inside of me told me we were different. A part of me hated this man and I didn't even know him.

"What if I don't want a family?" I snapped looking smugly at the man. I quickly wished I had kept my mouth shut when the man raised his wand and yelled "crucio." I was unprepared for the pain that hit me. It felt as though I was being dipped into a volcano over and over again. My skin was on fire and my insides twisted. This had to be what death felt like. I fell to my knees as screams echoed in my ears. I did not even realize that the screams were emitting from my own mouth until my throat began to burn with severe pain. Then it was over. The pain ended as fast as it had begun and I was kneeled down before him panting. I got the gist of his demand. If I did not bow down before him willingly, he would make me.

"Did you enjoy that Evelyn?" Voldemort asked in a mocking voice. "I could do so much worse my baby"

I glared at him as he reached his long icy fingers towards my face. It took all of my self-control to not bite all of his fucking fingers off.

"I can teach you how to resist the pain. I can show you more power that you've ever dreamed of" Voldemort promised. I narrowed my eyes. Everything about him screamed liar but I had no choice.

"Whatever" I whispered in defeat feeling childish and weak.

"Greyback help her up" Voldemort barked and the man with the yellow teeth roughly grabbed my arm and hoisted me to my feet.

"Get off" I hissed pulling my arm from his grasp. His touch made me feel tainted. I turned my attention back to Voldemort. He smirked and pulled my left arm towards him.

"Your skin is so unmarred. So perfect" he said trailing a finger over my bare forearm. I shivered at his cold touch

"It'll only hurt for a minute," Greyback hissed in my ear. At that moment, I couldn't decide which man I hated more. I glared at Voldemort as Greyback slipped his arms around my waist.

"Let me go" I demanded trying to keep my voice steady. I shook slightly as Voldemort lowered his wand to my arm.

"Are you ready Evelyn?" he asked looking into my eyes. I'm confident he knew my answer even before I said it.

"I want this" I replied. I was unsure of exactly what I wanted. His empty promises still played in my mind. I wanted to be powerful and respected. I wanted to be numb so nothing could ever hurt me again. I clenched my eyes shut tightly as Voldemort uttered an incantation under his breath. My arm burned as if a red-hot poker was being applied to my skin. I could almost smell my charred flesh. My heart froze in my chest and it felt as though something dead had entered my body. My breath stopped in my lungs. It was like being buried alive. The sound of laughter entered my ears and Voldemort pulled back his wand as my eyes flew open.

"You will honor and obey Evelyn," he growled running the tip of his wand down the side of my face and into the crook of my collarbone. Greyback released me and I fell to the ground completely drained of all energy.

"You will go with Greyback tonight and you will prove yourself worthy to be in my presence" Voldemort said looking down at me "Disperse death eaters," he yelled. I was left alone with the man called Greyback.

"Get up" the man barked before landing a swift kick to my side. I hissed and pushed my body up from the ground.

"Where'd they all go?" I asked, "Where's my mother?"

Greyback laughed, "Do you miss your mummy? You're in for a rude awakening little girl," he snapped grabbing my hair and pulling me up from the ground.

"I hate you" I spat

"I'm hurt" Greyback sniveled back "Let's get going" he commanded grabbing my hand. Before I had time to pull back, I heard a pop and found myself standing in front of a small cottage. I felt sick and weaker than I had felt earlier.

"Why are we here?" I asked

"Stop with the twenty questions or I'll snap ya neck my little beauty" My stomach lurched painfully but I followed Greyback inside anyways. The house was quiet and the fireplace was blazing. It all felt so welcoming and inviting.

"What are we going to do?" I felt stupid asking that question. I knew exactly why we were here.

"To prove your worthiness," he replied smartly. I followed him up the stairs. We stopped in front of an oak door. "You take these two," he said pointing to the door "I got the kid" He then turned and walked back downstairs.

My hand shook as I reached for the doorknob. This wasn't the sort of power I wanted. A scream broke through the silence. I took one last look at the closed door before running towards the sound of the commotion. The sight that assaulted my eyes would forever haunt me. Greyback was in full wolf form and a little girl that looked no more than three years old lay bloody and broken before him. Her eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling as blood gushed from the gaping hole in her throat. I wanted to lick her clean but I fought the temptation.

"Stop it!" I yelled "Please stop" My eyes widened as Greyback transformed back into his human form. He was covered in the little girl's blood.

"You fucked up Evie" he growled wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. He flew towards me and tackled me to the floor. I let out a cry as he pinned my hands above my head and dug his dirty yellow fingernails into my wrists.

"Maybe there's another way you can prove yourself" he chuckled before lowering his mouth over mine. His tongue forced his way between my clenched teeth and I wanted to gag. His mouth still tasted of the little girl's innocence. It tasted of death and decay. I struggled fiercely when his hands worked their way under my shirt.

"No!" I shouted bringing my knee up and kicking Greyback in the chest. It forced his hands out of my shirt. Without thinking, I launched my head forward and bit down hard on his tongue. His blood filled my mouth and the taste made me want to vomit. I had never before tasted something so disgusting…so foul. I managed to free one hand and I raised my fist and punched him squarely in the nose causing him to fly back.

"You little bitch" he hissed holding his mouth. I scrambled to my feet and threw open the front door. I ran as fast as I could, not daring to look back. I had no destination in mind but I could not spend another moment with that damned werewolf. They were dirty, disgusting creatures.

"I'll be watching you Evelyn. You can run but you can't escape" Greyback yelled after me. His words did not affect me. Finally, I reached the edge of a dark forest and took a seat on a fallen tree log. I was cold, hungry, and alone. This wasn't the first time I had felt like crying but I had never cried before and I wasn't about to start now. I let out a low growl before getting to my feet and punching a tree with as much strength as I could muster. My knuckles split open and I felt as though I had just had a great release. I spun around to find at least ten cloaked men holding their wands at my throat.

"Damn" I whispered before they all yelled "Stupify" and I welcomed the black abyss that I fell into.


	3. A Lesson in Normality

_**Chapter 2: A Lesson in Normality**_

"_She wants to go home but nobody's home_

_That's where she lies broken inside_

_With no one to dry her eyes_

_No one to dry her eyes_

_Broken inside" _

_**Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne**_

My eyes fluttered slightly and I attempted to raise my arms only to find that they were pinned down. I groaned softly as the memories of the previous night returned to me. I forced my eyes open to find myself strapped to a metal chair in the middle of a dark, desolate room. A light switch flicked and a man stepped into the room. He was short and held a large top hat in his chubby hands. Vaguely, he reminded me of Willy Wonka only I knew candy wasn't what he was going to give me.

"Hello" the man spoke. His voice was chipper and cheerful. It made me want to snap his neck. "My name is Cornelius Fudge"

"And I care because?" I replied

"I'm the minister of magic and I was just wondering why a girl such as yourself would be found approximately two miles from a murder scene with the dark mark branded on her arm" His tone of voice was very taunting. My state of anger was aggravated even more.

"You seem to know so much. You tell me"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "So you're not going to cooperate then?" he asked calmly

"No" I answered simply. I had only known him for a mere minute but I did not trust him at all.

"What is your name?" he asked

"Evie" I replied. I refused to tell him my last name and he seemed to accept it because he stood up in silence.

"You've left me with no choice" Fudge muttered "The dark lord has not returned. It's lies" he said more to himself than to me. He hung his head and walked from the room. At this point, I began to get anxious. Four men then entered the room and I recognized two of them as guards from Azkaban. The door slammed shut once more as a woman entered with a floating tray following behind her. My body tensed as one of the men sat in front of me.

"Hello Evie" he said flashing a grin. I couldn't decipher whether the grin held a comforting nature or a teasing one. "How old are you darlin'?"

"Fifteen" I replied

"Almost too young" he whispered

"They're never to young for discipline," the woman snapped pushing the man from the chair and taking it for herself. She was a small plump woman who had a face that greatly resembled a toad's. She was dressed in a fuzzy purple dress with a matching hat and she struck me as the kind of stranger that lured kids to her with promises of chocolate and unicorns.

"Well Evie" she said in a high pitched giggle "You're in a pickle. My name is Dolores Umbridge and I'll be teaching you your first lesson in normality" she sneered.

"I didn't do anything," I protested

"Maybe not. But you are still different and diversity just doesn't settle well here at the ministry" she said pulling a small corked bottle from the tray. She picked up a needle and began to fill it with the green liquid from the bottle.

"This might sting" she told me before sticking the needle in my arm and pushing the plunger down. I attempted to get my arms free but I was much too weak. There was no escape.

"There we go" Umbridge cooed pulling the needle from my arm. I let out a small whimper as my skin started to sting. I looked down at my lap to see a steady spot of blood appear. A series of large gashes had been cut into my forearm and the blood was dripping. The pain was far worse than anything I had ever felt. The distinct smell of my own blood tickled my nose and sent my senses into overdrive. My head ached, my tongue felt parched, and I felt as though I was enduring the whole world's pain all at once.

"Make it stop" I whimpered feebly

"Bad little girls must take their punishment" Umbridge scolded before backhanding me roughly. "You're a murdering scumbag aren't you Evie" she taunted getting to her feet "This is what you deserve!" she sneered "Say it. Say this is what you deserve."

"I won't" I could not let her win. I repudiated to her expectations of some demented sort of satisfaction. I struggled again as I watched Umbridge refill the needle.

"Say it" she demanded once again. I remained still. I growled when she stuck the needle into my other arm. The gashes appeared in the same manner as before and the pain in my body worsened. Death was all I longed for at the moment.

"Stop" I muttered fighting to keep my eyes open.

"You think that having that mark gives you power. You think you're a god." Umbridge yelled in my face "Make it stop"

"Please" I moaned pitifully

"Say it" Umbridge mocked

"I deserve it!" I screamed "I deserve this"

"Too right you are" Umbridge agreed looking pleased with herself. "You do deserve this. You deserve so much worse" she scorned backhanding me again. My head rocked back violently and I allowed it to drop to my chest.

"You must learn" Umbridge cried "Crucio."

The pain that had wracked my body just last night hit me again in ten fold. The screams that exploded from my throat didn't sound human in the least. The spell was lifted but the pain remained. I lifted my head unhurriedly to see that the minister had returned. He was standing in the corner fidgeting with a handkerchief.

"I think that's enough" Fudge said firmly. Bless his stupid sympathy.

"Of course" Umbridge said with a nervous laugh.

"Evie" Fudge said kneeling down in front of me. I looked at him blankly. "Evie" he repeated lifting my chin. "Dear Merlin. She's unresponsive" he muttered

"She was nearly insane when you brought her in" Umbridge lied "She said crazy things. Proclaimed herself god and whatnot" she snapped. Her eyes wondered to the men and she glared at them as if daring them to challenge her mendacity.

"Untie her Kingsley" Fudge demanded getting to his feet. The straps disappeared from my arms and the man he called Kingsley helped me stand. "Have her committed to St. Mungo's. I don't think Azkaban is necessary" he whispered before hanging his head and departing from the room.

I don't remember exactly how or why but I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was standing in a white room with a bed in the corner.

"I'll be back" Kingsley promised me. He sat me down in a chair by the window.

"Hey" A boy whispered sitting on the bed. I hadn't even noticed him when I had entered the room. "Are you okay?" he asked

I wanted to say no. I wanted to scream but I threw myself into his arms instead and hugged him tightly. He smelled wonderful and I could feel the blood pulsing through his veins. I could hear the faint thump of his heartbeat and I was so hungry it hurt. His soul was pure and his thoughts were innocent. I knew I could never harm him even if I wanted to.

"Help me" I pleaded "Just kill me" I could tell by the waves of emotion emitting from him that I had caught him off guard.

"It's alright" he assured me "No one will hurt you here" I pulled away sluggishly and gave him an insecure smile.

"I'm Addison Diggory" he told me

"I'm Evie…Evie Lordale" I fibbed. I did not want to be associated with my mother. I could not be broken by baring her last name. She had left me and I hated her for it.

"Evelyn" A voice said from the doorway. I turned to find a handsome man leaning against the doorframe. "I'm Marius Cromwell" he said with a smile. He was almost too beautiful for words. I remained speechless.

"Can you talk?" he asked. I turned my attention to Addison and then back to Marius. I shook my head hastily.

"That's ok" Marius said holding his hand out. "Do you like to shop?" he asked. I shrugged. Most girls are supposed to shop but I never had. "Addison get ready for evening counseling. I'm going to escort Evie to Diagon Alley to pick up her wand"

Addison sighed "Whatever" he said

Marius led me out into the hall and to a fireplace "Take a pinch of this", he demanded handing a jar of green powder to me. "And throw it into the fireplace" I did as he told me. He grinned in approval and grabbed my hand again. "Diagon Alley" he shouted over the roar of the flames. He pulled me into the fireplace and the world spun around in front of me. It made me feel collected. I coughed as we landed in the middle of a small musty shop.

"Hello" An old man welcomed us as he was hurrying from behind his desk. He had a kind face that was nice to see after my recent ordeal.

"Hello Olivander" Marius said cheerfully "This little lady needs one of your fine wands" I felt a pang of antagonism at being called little by him. For some reason his opinion meant the world to me.

Olivander beamed "Right or left dear?" he asked me

"Right I think" Marius answered for me. Olivander pulled me towards him and started taking measurements.

"I got it" he exclaimed allowing his tape measurer to drop to the floor. He ran towards the far wall and returned with an armful of boxes. The first wand he shoved in my hand caused the light bulb to explode, the second knocked the lamp from his desk, but the third shot a series of red and black sparks from the end causing Olivander and Marius to cheer with glee.

"Ebony and dragon heartstring. Ten inches. A fine wand indeed" Olivander said snatching it from my hands and wrapping it in a box.

"A fine wand for a fine girl" Marius said giving me a wink that made me weak in the knees. My arm throbbed painfully and I looked down to see that it was already scabbed over.

"We'll fix that when we get back" Marius declared when he noticed me studying my arm. He walked over and placed a soft kiss on a scab near my wrist. I managed to keep my composure even though it seemed impossible.

I don't remember exactly how we got back to the hospital because I couldn't take my eyes off of Marius. He was just so perfect. I would have followed him anywhere. I wanted to cry when he dropped me off back at my room. Addison was already fast asleep. I sat my wand on the dresser and climbed into bed with Marius Cromwell dancing through my head. I slept peacefully for the first night in a long while. Somehow, I knew things would be better from now on.


End file.
